The Real Story
by VioletVendetta363
Summary: Just a crackfic I wrote when I was bored. It's kind of weird and really OOC...


**This is really weird because I wrote this when I was really really bored. I hope you like it... ;)**

**It's a oneshot I won't be continuing it (I'll let you decide whether that's good or bad...**

The _Real _Story

Shade's most beloved childhood friend, Goth, had just arrived and they were having the time of their lives watching reruns of Batman, while reluctantly agreeing to let Goth's strangely feathered cousin Orestes blast Owl City like the world was ending, and painfully enduring Marina's annoying lectures about Top Ten Most Influential Female Bats and _girl power_ and all that trash. Seriously. Like why did she have to act like she knew _everything_?

Then _Griffin_ for all hell's sake just had to barge in and ruin everything. Shade thought it was probably karma, from how he and his bud had misbehaved towards Marina. This was how the scene had been.

_"Yo, Shade. I got the sickest joke. What do you get when you cross a bat with female?"_

_ "I don't know, man. Tell me,"_

_ "FAT!"_

_ Shade couldn't breathe; he was laughing so hard he felt like his heart had been torn out of him…Oh…where did he get that idea from…?_

_ Fwip._

_ Marina's wing came like a spiked razor across both of their faces. Goth just snorted and Shade was dazed for a second._

_ "That is completely absurd, Goth! I know of many females that are quite fit and beautiful. Like me. Shade, honey, am I fat?"_

_ "…yes…?"_

_ Oh, the pain of being slapped a dozen times in a row but it was so worth it…The look on Marina's face was priceless…_

_ "Shade, sweetheart, you know, I think you're lying-_

_ "No, I'm not-_

_ Marina's wing raised in the motion of slapping-_

_ "Ok, hold it- I think you're like, fat in a good way, okay-_

_ "What do you mean by-_

_ "Like, round and fuzzy, ok? I like round and fuzzy things…like peaches…Jeez, Marina, why did you make me say that in front of Goth of all bats. He is like the coolest guy ever,"_

_ "Then why don't we divorce and you go mate with him-_

_ "The HELL are you talking about?!" Goth sputtered desperately._

_ "Marina, I-_

_ "I'm sick and tired of you and Goth always watching Batman and Goth, your feathered cousin is seriously freaking me out-_

_ "IT'S NOT MY FAULT; I WAS MALNOURISHED AS A CHILD!" Orestes cried with frustration._

_ "Dude, you refused to eat, like any bugs, you'd only eat mice and voles, those disgusting bloody things…" Goth muttered in utter horror. He hated blood and guts. If he ever saw such horrid sights his stomach would try to puke itself._

_Anyway, while Goth and his strangely feathered cousin continued to argue about underfeeding and third-world countries, Shade continued to watch Batman and Marina continued to blab about powerful woman like Oprah Wingfrey, all the while doing wing-ups and wing-curls and wrenches (wing-crunches) because of her FOBF (Fear Of Becoming Fat)_

_After maybe, a few hours, when Goth couldn't come up with another argument for their sudden food debate, Orestes looked up and smiled brightly (as much as his beak allowed) when he heard Owl City's new song Here's Hope._

"_Oh, my god! Owl City so owlsome! I love, like, every single one of his songs…!"_

"_Orestes, he's a Human…" Goth said, shaking his head._

"_Well it would be kind of strange if he was an owl, now wouldn't it?"_

"_Well-_

"_Anyways, my Mom just got me some concert tickets, so wanna-_

"_No,"_

_Orestes eye balls swelled to the size of peaches. _

_Goth had discovered those fruits when they'd went on a field trip to China, a couple years back. He hated the putrid thing, its fuzzy texture; it reminded him of Orestes's tendency to eat rodents and the shape too, for they resembled a monkey's behind quite well. (Goth had the unluckiness of meeting those mischievous furry creatures when Shad had got too "curious" about the rustlings in the trees) But unfortunately, he couldn't completely hate it, for it was quite delicious when ripe. Goth shuddered. It was like witchcraft, sorcery for such an ugly fruit to taste so good…_

"_Why?" Orestes looked like he was about to cry._

_Goth sighed. He was too kind a fellow to say no, so reluctantly he agreed, which resulted in his strangely feathered cousin whooping shouts of joy and blasting Owl City even louder. Goth thought he could see his life flashing before his eyes._

_Suddenly, out of nowhere a grumpy crumpled mess slowly walked towards the scene. It was none other than Shade's biggest fan, his dreaded son, Griffin._

"_Daddy…?"_

_Shade quickly turned off Batman, for it was disgraceful for his seven year old son to witness such mature material._

"_Yes, honey?"_

"_I had a nightmare,"_

_And that's how it all began._

"Alright, once upon a time there was a young, strong bat named Shade Silver-

"Daddy, why are all your stories always about you? Are you in need of a social life-

Shade suddenly grew uncomfortable and refused to continue.

But Griffin pleaded and begged and threatened and he was causing quite an unbearable racket so Shade didn't really have a choice. He sighed and resumed.

"-Shade _Bright_wing, how do you like that, Griffin?"

"But I don't really like Mommy, she's always talking about powerful females and making me feel small-

"Fine, Shade Von Vampyrum Spec-

"_No_! I _hate_ your friend, Daddy, he's so fat-

"WHO CALLED ME FAT?!" An unhappy female voice screeched.

"Not _you_, Mom! The big, scary and super hairy creature called Barf-

"It's _Goth_,"

"Goth is a fake name, Daddy, it's _Barf-_

"Such disagreeable language, son-

"Anyways, continue with the story! And call the character Light Goldwing!"

_Huh_…?

"What was that, son?"

"Light is the opposite of Shade and Gold is the opposite of Silver! Am I right, Daddy?"

"Um, well…sure! Daddy will call the character Light Goldwing, alright?"

"Yes! Continue Daddy!"

"Alright, once upon a time there was a fine, strong young bat named Light Goldwing. He was an amazing bat who defeated his evil villain called Pretty and-

"Daddy, is something wrong with you? How can a villain be pretty? They are always big, scary and super hairy, like Barf!"

Suddenly Goth flew in, quite angered. Griffin cowered in fear.

"I must tell you an important thing, my friend! Barf is not always big, scary and super hairy! When I was a young bat, I had eaten the worst banana-

"But you're called Vampyrum Spectrum, don't you guys drink blood like those scary tiny vampire bats-

"I shudder at the sight of blood, young bat. Anyways, I barfed and it was _not_ big or scary or super hairy! It was small, yellow and-

"You're wrong, Barf! Yellow isn't the opposite of scary-

"Well, yellow isn't a scary color-

"It is when it's the color of your under-

"Wait a second. What did you just call me?"

"Barf,"

Shade shut his eyes. Goth was probably going to cause a nuclear explosion.

But instead Goth burst out laughing like a cross between a hyena and Santa Claus.

"How did you know my nickname, young bat? So clever!"

Shade pouted. He could never make Goth laugh so hard. It wasn't fair.

"Now, Daddy continue the story!"

"No, Daddy feels too tired, maybe tomorrow…"

"But, _Daddy_…!"

"Don't worry, little bat, Goth will tell you a story!"

"Really?!"

Griffin's eyes lit up like fireflies.

"Once upon a time…"

The next morning, Griffin refused to speak, eat or sleep. It was like he was bewitched, cursed. Shade was quite worried, wondering what horrid story Goth had come up with.

Shade flew over to Goth who was intensely watching reruns of Batman again. He took a deep breath, preparing for the worst.

"So, Goth what horrid story did you come up with?"

"Oh, nothing, just a story my wonderful Grandmother would always tell me, would you like to hear it?"

Shade braced himself for lots of blood and gore.

"Alright,"

"Once upon a time there was a rock. In the rock there was a hole. In the hole there were two bats. The big bat told the little bat. Once upon a time there was a rock. In the rock there was a hole. In the hole there were two bats. The big bat told the little bat.

Once upon a time there was a rock. In the rock there was a hole. In the hole there were two bats. The big bat told the little bat. Once upon a time there was a rock. In the rock there was a hole. In the hole there were two bats. The big bat told the little bat. Once upon a time there was a…

Shade was finally beginning to understand Griffin's condition.

**So how was it? Horrible? Weird? Well see you guys next time! ;)**


End file.
